The Reason Why
by Sammypenny
Summary: He had forbidden her from opening that cabinet but now he had left it open, how could she possibly resist the pensive hidden inside? NonHBP Angsty


**The Way You Are**

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

Summary: Hermione is Snape's assistant and lover. While tidying up his office one day she falls into his pensive and walks through his memories. She finds out why he's the way he is and meets the woman of his past. One shot. Edited

A/N: I hope that you guys like it. It's sad, just to warn you. I just thought of this while reading a bunch of various SS/HG. Remember to reveiw.

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Hermione had been Professor Severus Snape's apprentice for a little more than five months so it was not unusual for him to ask her to tidy up his office. Over the last few months they had learned to live with each other. After they got past wanting to kill each other they found that they had quite a bit in common and eventually became lovers. They were still always at each others throats but they enjoyed each others company. 

Hermione was picking up various objects, muttering about how unorganized Severus was. No matter how much she loved him, he had many faults. She piled a bunch of papers on his desk and started on the other side of the room. She was cleaning by the cabinet when she spotted something in one of the cabinet's opened doors. Severus had forbid her from looking inside the cabinet and now he had gone and left it accidentally open. Curiosity overtook her, probably all those years with Harry affecting her. She inched closer and closer until she saw what it was, Severus' pensive. She leaned in to see and accidentally fell into the bowl of memories.

Her world was spinning, a flash or colors until everything stopped and she was in an unfamiliar room. She looked around a little, still extremely dizzy, and saw Severus standing by a mirror. She knew that he wouldn't be able to hear her so she didn't even try to speak. He was standing in front of the mirror fiddling with his bow tie. He was wearing black dress robes that looked similar to a tuxedo. He looked more then a little nervous; a man came through the door. She turned to look at him, to her surprise, it was Lucius Malfoy. Severus wasn't friends with him. He had told her that he hated the man. Hermione remembered that it was just a memory and stayed put. Lucius walked over to Severus and helped him with his tie then told him that everything was ready. Severus nodded and they walked to the door. As it opened Hermione saw a wedding chapel, Severus and Lucius walked to the front. There weren't many people but she saw that the Malfoy's were there and so was Dumbledore. Hermione was shocked beyond belief.

'Please, don't let this be Severus' wedding.' She silently pleaded as she watched. She went to stand by Severus, he looked so nervous and then music started playing. From doors similar to the ones that she had just come through; but on the opposite side of the room doors swung opened. A little flower girl came out; she looked so cute and splendid. She was followed by two bride's maids and finally the bride. She was beautiful, with dark hair, full lips, slim body, and emerald eyes. The procession finally got to the dais and the bride and Severus looked into each others eyes. His were filled with love and he smiled.

The room began to spin and Hermione was sent into another memory. She had tears in her eyes; he had been married. She was now in front of a small house, Severus stood there and for once he wasn't wearing all black. He was wearing a white turtle neck and black trousers. Severus was standing on the lawn; it looked as if he had just apparated. The door opened and the bride from the last memory came out. She came over to her husband and they hugged and kissed, her belly looked bloated as if she were pregnant. Her hand went to her abdomen and Severus' hand followed; he smiled and kissed her once again.

The image began to spin once again and this time it looked like she was in a waiting room. Severus was pacing up and down the room while Lucius Malfoy sat comfortably in a chair.

"Severus calm down, she will be done soon. It takes time for labour, it can take up to eight hours, I'm told," Lucius said.

"It's been six hours already." Severus snapped. The doors opened and a woman came out holding a bundle of blankets.

"Congratulations, you have a beautiful baby girl," the nurse said. Severus went to her and the nurse gave him his child. His hands were shaking but he held her close, making cooing sounds.

The world spun again and now there was yet another memory. She was staring back at the little house but this time it was on fire. A figure stepped out of it, he was laughing but it was an evil sort of laugh and there were masked men surrounding him. It was Voldemort and his death eaters, she knew it. Severus ran up the lawn frantically.

"Why?!?! Why!?!?" he screamed desperately. A masked figure punched him in the stomach. He fell down clutching his stomach. Voldemort stepped over to him and did the crucio curse. Severus withered in pain but he did not scream.

"Do you dare question me Severus?" Voldemort asked coldly. He took the curse off, but Severus stayed quiet. After a little while Severus whispered, "Why?"

The masked figure from before, the one that had punched him, kicked him hard while he was still down. "How dare you question the dark lord!"

"Lucius, how could you kill them? She trusted you."

"It was not his decision. She deserved death; no follower of mine will be married to a mudblood." Voldemort spat, "Remember where your loyalties lay, Severus. I will kill you myself if you try to leave me," they left with a pop. Severus lay there on the ground, struggling to get up, he clutched at his ribs; it looked like they had been broken. He took his wand out and put the fire out without saying a word. He limped his way into the charred house as fast as he could. Hermione followed him; tears were falling down her face. This was why; this was why Severus was the way he was. The interior of the house was burnt, Severus moved over to the living room. No one was there so he made his way to what seemed like a bedroom. The lady from before, his wife lay on the floor. She was face down; it looked as if she was hit from behind. Her hand was outstretched towards the baby's crib in the room. Severus kneeled by her, he turned her and took her into his arms. Her eyes were closed and her face was chalky. He moved her hair out of her face so carefully as if she were a china doll. He took her hand and cried, bending his head into her. He hugged her lifeless body close and cried. After a while he picked her up and laid her gently on the bed and went over to the crib. His daughter was in there, it looked as if she was simply sleeping but he knew that she would never wake. Severus took his dead child and gently placed her beside her mother. He moved his wife's arm so that it was hugging the baby. Hermione was in tears, but her heart screamed out in furry for the injustice of it all. Severus stepped away and looked at his family. He gave them a weak smile and took his wand out. He pointed it at him self. Hermione realized what he was going to do, she forgot that she was in his memory and dashed to him.

"Severus, don't!" she screamed as she tried to hug him but instead she just fell through him.

"Avada," Severus said sadly but before he could finish the incantation Dumbledore arrived with a pop.

"Expelliarmus!" Dumbledore roared before Severus could finish, "Severus, think about what you are doing."

"I know perfectly well what I'm doing, old man!" Severus screamed at him.

"Severus, you are distraught."

"Give me back my wand."

"So you can take your life?"

"Let me join my family," Severus broke down, his voice weak.

"Severus, they are dead."

"Let me join them." Severus pleaded.

"I can not stand by and let you kill yourself."

Severus turned back to his wife and child and collapsed. Hermione faintly heard Dumbledore murmur a spell before her world spun again. There were no more memories, only his office. Hermione sat on the floor crying and staring into the silver mist of the pensive. She felt a soft hand on her shoulder.

"What did you see?" Severus asked, his voice quiet, almost dreading the answer.

"You had a family?" Hermione asked her voiced strained.

"I was afraid of that."

"Why have you never told me?"

"There are few who know, I wish I wasn't one of them."

"Who was she?" Severus looked pained but thought that she should know, he should tell someone after all these years.

"Her name was Laura; I met her after graduation; after I had pledged myself to Voldemort. She was the first person that I felt understood me. She brought me out of my school hood horror. We married and had a child soon afterward. Her name was Morgan; I still remember all of the little faces she made, after all these years. I was happy with them. For once in my life it seemed that everything was perfect."

"What happened?"

"Voldemort found out about my marriage and decided that I was going soft so he killed them. That was why I turned spy that is why I am the way I am. If Dumbledore hadn't stopped me I would have killed myself all those years ago."

"Severus, I'm so sorry."

"I should have protected them, Hermione. I let them down." He confided in her. She hugged him tightly.

"Severus, you have saved so many lives, you have protected the world against Voldemort, and I think they would forgive you."

"Hermione, I… thank you. I think I can come out of mourning. I've been wearing black for all these years for them. I think they've forgiven me too." Hermione smiled, "I still miss her." Severus whispered. Hermione's heart ached but she knew that she would never be able to take Laura's place.

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A/N: Words would break the moment wouldn't they? 


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